Leaving Mormonism: What I Wish I Knew on Day One of My Faith Transition

Leaving Mormonism can feel like your whole world is shifting at once.

Your identity, relationships, beliefs, routines, confidence, and sense of safety can all feel up in the air. For many women, especially moms, it can be one of the most emotionally intense seasons of life.

I know because I’ve lived it.

And as a therapist who now supports women healing from religious trauma and faith transitions, I also hear the same thing over and over:

“I wish I had known this sooner.”

So today I want to share what I wish I knew on day one of my own faith transition, plus some wisdom from other women who have walked this road too.

If you’re in the middle of leaving the LDS church, questioning Mormonism, or trying to rebuild after Mormonism, I hope this feels like a deep breath.

1. Your Faith Transition Does Not Have to Be Serious and Academic

 

One of the biggest things I wish I knew?

You do not have to leave Mormonism in the “right” way.

When I was deconstructing, I knew people who were deeply researching church history, reading heavy books, listening to podcasts nonstop, and approaching it from a very intellectual place.

That can be valuable.

But it wasn’t my path.

I’m more emotional, intuitive, and relational. I needed space to feel, explore, and reconnect with myself.

Your faith transition can look like:

• therapy
• journaling
• experimenting with clothing or style
• trying new hobbies
• grief work
• nervous system healing
• spirituality outside religion
• learning to trust yourself again

You do not need to earn your way out through research. You get to do this in the way that fits you.

 

2. Sometimes You Are the One Holding Yourself Back

 

This one was hard for me.

I used to think:

• My parents will be disappointed
• My spouse will judge me
• People from church will think badly of me
• I can’t do that because of what others might think

But over time, I realized many of those people were not controlling me.

Fear was controlling me.

Often the loudest pressure is internalized pressure.

Once I started making small brave choices, I realized many people either didn’t care nearly as much as I thought… or their discomfort was survivable. That changed everything.

Dig Deeper: Rebuilding Self-Trust After Mormonism: Not Just a Mindset Shift

 

3. Don’t Let People Who See 2% of Your Life Control 100% of It

 

This advice still hits.

Why let:

• an old bishop
• extended family
• a mother-in-law you see twice a year
• old ward members on social media

…determine how you live every day?

Some people only see a tiny fraction of your real life. But you live with yourself 100% of the time.

Your needs, values, joy, peace, body, relationships, and future matter deeply. You deserve a life shaped by your truth, not someone else’s comfort.

4. Go to Therapy Sooner Than You Think

 

I truly wish I had gone to therapy earlier.

Faith transitions often bring up more than belief changes. They can uncover:

• anxiety
• grief
• shame
• family enmeshment
• people pleasing
• trauma responses
• identity confusion
• fear of disappointing others
• difficulty trusting yourself

You don’t have to carry all of that alone. As a therapist, I hear so many women say:

“I wish I had started sooner.”

Support can save you years of unnecessary suffering.

 

5. You Don’t Have to Make Everything New

 

Many people leave Mormonism and feel like they need to reinvent everything. Sometimes that happens.

But sometimes healing looks like:

same experience, different outcome

Examples:

• Wearing a tank top and feeling free instead of ashamed
• Going to brunch on Sunday and feeling peaceful instead of guilty
• Saying no to family and surviving it
• Practicing spirituality without fear
• Parenting differently than you were raised

This is what therapists sometimes call a corrective experience. You do not have to burn your whole life down to heal.

Dig Deeper: Spirituality After Mormonism: Definitions, Tips, How To

 

6. Go at a Pace That Works for You

 

Some people leave overnight.

Some people take years.

Some quietly step back.

Some wrestle internally for a long time.

There is no morally superior timeline.

There is no prize for doing it faster.

There is no shame in taking your time.

Move at the pace your nervous system can actually hold.

 

7. Decisions Don’t Have to Be Permanent

 

This is huge when you’re rebuilding self-trust. Try things. Experiment. Change your mind.

You are allowed to:

• visit another church
• stop visiting another church
• wear something new
• decide you hate it
• set boundaries
• soften boundaries later
• try alcohol responsibly
• decide it’s not for you
• explore spirituality
• step away from it

Every choice does not need to become your forever identity. Sometimes healing is learning that flexibility is safe.

 

8. Focus on What You’re Gaining, Not Only What You’re Losing

 

Yes, leaving Mormonism can involve loss.

Loss of certainty.
Loss of belonging.
Loss of approval.
Loss of structure.

But many women also gain:

• autonomy
• confidence
• authenticity
• deeper relationships
• self-respect
• emotional honesty
• curiosity
• inner peace
• trust in themselves

There is grief. And there is so much gain!

 

9. It Is Going to Be Okay

 

Sometimes the most healing truth is the simplest one.

It is going to be okay.

You may wobble.
You may cry.
You may question everything.
You may feel lost for a while.

But many women have walked this road and built beautiful lives on the other side.

You are not ruined. You are rebuilding.

 

10. You Don’t Have to Confess Your Faith Transition

 

Many women feel pressure to explain themselves to church leaders. You do not have to confess your doubts. You do not owe anyone a spiritual performance. You do not have to justify leaving. If having conversations feels meaningful to you, that is your choice. But obligation and guilt are not the same as consent.

 

What I Really Wish I Knew While Leaving Mormonism

 

What I wish I had known most on day one was this:

I was standing at the beginning of building a life that actually fit me.

Yes, that can feel scary. But it can also feel beautiful! You no longer have to outsource your authority.

You get to decide:

• what matters
• what feels sacred
• how you parent
• how you love
• what you believe
• how you live

 

Wondering If You Have Religious Trauma?

 

Many women leave Mormonism and assume they’re “fine,” while still experiencing symptoms like:

• anxiety
• guilt
• hypervigilance
• people pleasing
• fear of being wrong
• panic around sexuality
• difficulty trusting themselves
• chronic shame

If that sounds familiar, my Religious Trauma Symptoms Quiz can help you understand what may be happening and what kind of support could help.

 

Need Support for Your Faith Transition in Arizona?

 

I’m Chelsey Liaga, therapist at Wild Bloom Therapy & Wellness. I help women heal from Mormonism, religious trauma, and identity loss after high-demand religion.

You do not have to untangle this alone. I offer therapy for women in Arizona, virtually statewide and in person in Queen Creek.