Rebuilding Your Identity After Leaving the LDS Church
Leaving the LDS Church isn’t just a spiritual decision—it’s a full-body, whole-life unraveling. And if you’re a mom, it’s even more layered. Because you’re not just rebuilding your identity after leaving the LDS church—you’re also figuring out how to raise your kids without the structure, pressure, and rulebook you were handed.
So if you’re sitting here wondering who you are, what you believe, and how to feel grounded again—this post is for you.
You are not broken. You are not lost. You are not failing. You’re in the messy, brave middle of becoming someone new.
Let’s talk about what it actually looks like to rebuild your identity after leaving the LDS Church.
Step 1: Grieve the Loss of Your Old Identity
Even if you were deeply hurt by your experience in the church, it still shaped you. It gave you a script. A checklist. A community. A sense of certainty. So walking away from it? That’s a loss. And like any loss, it deserves to be grieved.
Give yourself permission to feel:
- Sad that it didn’t turn out the way you hoped
- Angry about the pressure, guilt, or shame you endured
- Confused about what to believe now
- Lonely, even if you wanted to leave
There’s no timeline for this. No perfect emotional path. Grief is not a detour from healing—it is part of healing.
Try this: Journal prompt: “What parts of my past self do I want to honor, and what am I ready to release?”
Step 2: Untangle What Was Yours—and What Wasn’t
So much of what you used to believe may not have been chosen—it was assigned. Assigned by the church. Your family. Your leaders. The culture.
Now is the time to gently ask:
- Do I actually believe this, or was I taught to?
- Does this value still fit me?
- Am I acting from guilt, or from alignment?
Rebuilding your identity after leaving the LDS church means sorting through the rubble—not burning it all down. You don’t have to reject every part of your past to move forward. You get to keep what feels true for you.
Try this: Make two columns: “What I Was Taught” vs. “What I Choose Now.”
Step 3: Start With Micro-Choices When Rebuilding Your Identity After Leaving the LDS Church
You don’t need to have your whole new belief system figured out. In fact, rushing to replace one rigid system with another can feel just as suffocating.
Instead, try making tiny choices that reflect your truth. This is how you build self-trust.
Examples:
- Wearing clothes that feel like you (not just what’s “modest”)
- Saying no to a family event because you need rest
- Letting yourself enjoy coffee without guilt
- Talking openly with your kids about what you’re figuring out
Every time you choose yourself, you reinforce the belief: I am allowed to trust me.
Try this: Ask yourself daily: “What do I want or need right now—and how can I honor that?”
Step 4: Redefine “Sacred” For Yourself
For many ex-Mormon women, leaving the church leaves a spiritual void. You might feel disconnected from the idea of God—or unsure what to do with your desire for meaning.
Good news: you don’t have to throw it all out. You get to define what’s sacred to you.
It might be:
- Nature
- Stillness
- Music
- Deep conversations
- Movement
- Creating
- Your children’s laughter
Try this: Create a list titled “Things That Make Me Feel Connected.” That’s your new sacred.
Step 5: Surround Yourself With People Who Get It
One of the hardest parts of this transition is the isolation. You may have lost your ward, your calling, your built-in village.
But you are not alone. There are thousands of women doing this work right now—deconstructing, healing, rebuilding.
Find them. Talk to them. Be real with them. Join support groups, follow ex-Mormon creators, go to meetups, or just start one honest conversation with someone you trust.
Try this: Challenge yourself to connect with one person this month who is also navigating a faith shift. Two resources to help you with this are the Relieved Society and Lost and Found Club.
Step 6: Get Support for the Deep Stuff
Some of what you’re holding didn’t start with you—and it won’t leave just because you know better.
Religious trauma lives in the body. It shows up as:
- Chronic guilt, even when you’ve done nothing wrong
- Anxiety when you try to rest
- Fear of being “bad” for setting boundaries
- Total disconnection from your wants, needs, or intuition
This is where therapy—especially Brainspotting—can help. We don’t just talk about what happened. We help your nervous system unlearn it.
If you’re tired of trying to “let it go” and ready to actually feel free, I’d love to help you get there.
Religious Trauma Symptoms Quiz
Name what you’re feeling, make sense of your reactions, and stop wondering if you’re “just being dramatic” for having the reactions you do.
Created by Chelsey Liaga, a therapist specializing in religious trauma and faith transitions. Trusted by hundreds of ex-Mormon women navigating identity, boundaries, and healing.
Final Thoughts on rebuilding your identity after leaving the LDS church
Rebuilding your identity after leaving the LDS Church isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about learning to ask better, deeper questions—questions like:
- Who am I when no one else is watching?
- What feels true in my body?
- What do I want my kids to know about freedom, love, and worth?
It’s about giving yourself permission to feel lost sometimes and not making that mean you’re doing it wrong. It’s about finding your footing not through certainty, but through curiosity and self-compassion. It’s about realizing that you don’t need to trade one rigid identity for another—you get to build something that’s fluid, honest, and deeply yours.
This process can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re also holding the mental load of motherhood, family dynamics, and lingering shame. But you don’t have to figure it out alone.
I work with women every day who are navigating this same messy, sacred path. Whether through weekly therapy or a Brainspotting Intensive, I offer a space where you can be fully seen and supported as you reconnect with your voice, your values, and your sense of self.
If you’re ready to stop surviving and start rebuilding, I’d love to support you.
I offer therapy and Brainspotting intensives for women navigating religious trauma, motherhood, and faith transitions. Whether you’re fresh out or years into your journey, your healing matters.
👉🏼 Click [here] to schedule a free consultation. You deserve support on your journey to rebuilding your identity after leaving the LDS church.
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