Make Your Marriage Easier By Identifying Shared Values

If you and your partner disagree a lot, have a hard time making big and small decisions, and just often feel out of sync, then those are signs you need to talk about and identify your shared values. Shared values make your marriage easier because they give you a simple yardstick to measure everything you do and decide together against. So if you want an easier marriage or happier relationship, keep reading! 

What are shared values?

To begin, shared values are the words that represent what is most important to you both as a couple. Your individual values do not have to be the same, but you need to have shared values to guide the shared parts of your life (time, money, resources). When you don’t intentionally identify your shared values, you will revert back to both of your individual values and those will likely not be the same. If you are both operating from a different handbook, you will be working towards different goals and thus create tension instead of harmony in your marriage. 

Why are values important in marriage?

Next, identifying and living your shared values as a couple increases marital satisfaction, reduces arguments, and makes decision-making easier. For example, if you have a shared value of adventure but haven’t gone out to try something new in years, then you are going to be feeling discontent in your relationship. Additionally, if you have a shared value of thrift and your partner keeps blowing the budget, this will create contention in your relationship. Identifying, agreeing on, and living your shared values will help you both feel happy with your shared life.

Here is a list of some common values (but keep in mind, yours can be anything)…

Family

Faith

Fitness

Freedom

Curiosity

Kindness

Spirituality

Courage

Education

Knowledge

Inspiration

Financial Stability

Wealth

Work

Ethics

Health

Nature

Adventure

Travel

Passion

Love

Patriotism

4 Steps to Identifying Shared Values: 

1. Identify any values that you both put in your top 5 list. If there are none, don’t worry! You do not have to have the same individual values as your partner. 
2. Notice any common themes. For example, maybe you put kindness and your partner put goodness on your lists. What is a word you can compromise on that represents how you want to treat each other? 
3. Discuss what kind of life you want to have together in great detail. What does it look, feel and sound like? What values would represent this ideal life? 
4. Narrow down your list of shared values to 5 or fewer. 

Questions to Consider When Choosing Vouples’ Values:

• What is most important to us as a couple?
• Did we write down any of the same individual values?
• What would our perfect day together look like? What values would be connected to those activities?
• What would we do with our life if we had no limitations?
• What couples inspire us? Why?
• How do we want people to describe our marriage at our 50th-anniversary party?

Hopefully talking about these questions will help you are your partner identify your shared values. As you plan your life and make decisions together, consulting your values will help you to make choices that feel good to both of you! What questions do you have about values? Comment below! 

Identifying your shared values is just one of many important relationship skills couples need to master to have a long and happy marriage. In my 7-Day Marriage Challenge, I teach you seven essential relationship skills that will help you deepen connection, increase intimacy, and reduce contention. Don’t miss out on this opportunity to prioritize your marriage! Click here to join today.

Related Posts You’ll Love:

The Art of Compromise: Finding Win-Win Solutions in Your Relationship

How I Set New Year’s Resolutions As A Couples Therapist