How to Identify and Heal Codependency for a Healthier Marriage

The phrase “co-dependent” gets thrown around a lot these days in pop psychology, but it is a really dangerous and relatively common relationship pattern that exists in our society. 

What is co-dependency?

When you are co-dependent, you are dependent on another person’s dependence on you. In other words, you make yourself the rescuer in a victim/rescuer type of relationship. A lot of times we hear about co-dependency in toxic relationships, but it can also be present in happy relationships where there is no abuse present.

6 signs you may be struggling with co-dependency:

• You avoid sharing your opinions and prioritize the opinions of those around you.
• You can’t set boundaries.
• Your worth comes from other people liking or being pleased with you.
• Regularly trying to “fix” your partner’s problems.
• Feeling guilty when practicing self-care.
• Feeling as if you lost a sense of self or your sense of self comes only from helping your spouse

Research done in the 1990’s suggests that up to 90% of the population shows more than one sign of co-dependency. In part, this number might be high because it is a really hard phenomenon to identify and define, but also, we as human beings like to be wanted and feel needed in our relationships. It is a biological desire to feel needed by the people around you because it makes you feel safe. But just like anything, too much of a good thing can be dangerous. 

Tips to heal codependency:

• Remember that you matter. You can take up as much space, and breathe as much air as you want! You don’t have to be small or quiet to be loved.
• Voice your opinions, big and small. Practice sharing your thoughts and feelings instead of burying them because you don’t want to be a burden.
• Practice self-care regularly. When we take care of ourselves, we won’t need the validation of somebody else needing us to feel loved. You can give yourself an endless supply of love and acceptance whenever you need it.
• Take responsibility for your emotions and nobody else’s. You can be considerate of other’s emotions without feeling the need to change them. 
• Practice setting boundaries. The book “Set Boundaries Find Peace” is an amazing resource! Get it here. 
• Try out affirmations. “I am not the only one who can help” “My needs are always met” and “I am not responsible for their emotions” can be helpful.

In conclusion, co-dependency is a complex and often misunderstood relationship pattern that can manifest in various forms, from toxic dynamics to seemingly happy relationships. Recognizing the signs of co-dependency is the first step toward healing and creating healthier relationship dynamics. By prioritizing self-care, setting boundaries, and practicing assertive communication, individuals can break free from the cycle of co-dependency and cultivate healthier, more fulfilling connections. Remember, you deserve love and respect, and healing is possible with patience, self-awareness, and support.

If you are ready to lay the foundation for a healthy and happy marriage, then check out my 7 day marriage challenge. In this week-long email course, you’ll learn how to improve your communication, deepen your intimacy, voice your relationship needs, and get out of the roommate rut. Click here to learn more and sign up today!

Other Blog Posts You Might Like:

3 Ways to Talk to Your Spouse About Phone Boundaries

Mastering Effective Communication: How To Do The Speaker-Listener Technique 

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