How to Figure Out Your Values After Leaving Mormonism

One of the most important things you can do after leaving Mormonism is figure out what your values actually are.

Because for a lot of people, this is the part that feels… confusing.

You’ve changed your beliefs.
You’ve stepped away from the church.

But now you’re left wondering:

“What actually matters to me?”

This post will walk you through how to figure out your values in a simple, practical way—so you can start rebuilding your life with clarity and self-trust.

What Are Values?

 

Values are the words we use to describe what’s important to us.

They guide:

• how we spend our time
• how we make decisions
• how we treat other people
• what gives our life meaning

Some values are intrinsic—things that have mattered to you for a long time.

But if you grew up in a high-demand religion like Mormonism, there’s a good chance you were also given values before you ever had the chance to choose them.

Things like:

• obedience
• righteousness
• modesty
• motherhood
• self-sacrifice

And while none of these are inherently bad…

If you didn’t choose them, they won’t create a life that feels like yours.

 

Why Values Matter After Leaving the Church

 

After leaving Mormonism, many people feel:

• unsure of themselves
• disconnected from their identity
• stuck in people-pleasing or guilt

That’s because your old framework isgone.

And without intentionally choosing your values, it’s easy to:
→ default to what you were taught
→ or absorb values from society, family, or culture

Real life satisfaction comes from living your values…
not just doing what you think you “should” do.

 

Step 1: All Values Are Neutral

 

Before you start,this mindset shift is important:

There are no “good” or “bad” values.

• It’s not shallow to value beauty
• It’s not lazy to value convenience
• It’s not selfish to value peace

Values are just values.

This perspective can help you:

• let go of judgment
• feel more freedom in your choices
• stop trying to pick the “right” answer

Step 2: Narrow Down Your Values List

 

Start with a large list of values (you’ll see one below).

Go through the list and narrow it down to about 15–20 values that stand out to you.

Some will be easy to eliminate.

For example:
If you don’t actively live in a way that reflects a value, it’s probably not a top value for you right now.

This isn’t about who you want to be someday.
It’s about who you actually are in this season.

Step 3: Use These Questions to Narrow It Down Further

 

Now we’re going to refine your list even more.

Ask yourself:

• How do I want people to remember me?
• When do I feel most like myself? What value is connected to that?
• What inspires me to take action?
• What values do I admire most in others?
• What kind of person am I? What kind of person do I want to be?

Take a few minutes to really sit with these.

Journal if you can.

Step 4: Choose Your Top 5 Values

 

Now, narrow your list down to 5 values or fewer.

This part can feel hard.

If you get stuck, try this:

Put values against each other.

Ask yourself:

• Would I choose this or that?
• What matters more in real life—not just in theory?

Example:
Would you choose kindness or justice?
Freedom or security?
Connection or achievement?

There’s no right answer.

Just your answer.

Also—this list is not permanent.

Your values can evolve over time.

What If This Feels Hard?

 

That’s normal.

Especially after leaving a high-demand religion.

You’re learning how to:
→ trust yourself
→ make decisions from within
→ define your own life

That takes time.

Step 5: Turn Your Values Into Real Life Rituals

 

Once you have your values, the next step is:

Start living them.

Ask yourself:

What small changes would make my life more aligned with these values?

Maybe nothing needs to change—and that’s great.

But often, there are small shifts you can make.

One of the easiest ways to do this is through rituals or habits.

Examples:

• If you value nature or mindfulness → weekly walks or quiet time outside
• If you value connection → regular calls or time with friends
• If you value health + community → meal prep or workouts with others

These don’t need to be big.

They just need to be intentional.

Over time, these small actions create something powerful:

A life that actually feels like yours.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

 

If you’re working through this and noticing:

“I know what I value… but I still feel stuck actually living it”

that’s where deeper work can help.

A lot of women I work with aren’t lacking clarity.

They’re navigating:

• guilt
• self-doubt
• people-pleasing
• nervous system conditioning

That makes it hard to follow through.

Want Help With This?

 

If you want a simple place to start:

→ Download my free Values Workbook
(you can go through this process step-by-step)

And if you want support actually living your values to improve your quality of life,

→ Learn more about Acceptance and Committment Therapy HERE

Final Thought

 

You’re not behind. You’re just learning something you were never taught:

How to decide what matters to you—and build a life around it.