6 Reasons You Struggle to Trust Your Emotions After Leaving Mormonism

Have you ever spent hours replaying a conversation because you felt guilty for being honest?

Or sat in your car thinking, I know what I want to do, so why does it feel so wrong?

Maybe you’ve caught yourself thinking:

• I don’t know what I feel.
• I can’t trust myself.
• Why is decision-making so hard?
• Why do I need everyone’s opinion before making a choice?

If you grew up Mormon, there’s a reason for that.

Many ex-Mormon women struggle to trust their emotions after leaving the church. Not because they’re broken or overly sensitive, but because they were taught to question their feelings from a young age.

For years, your emotions may have been filtered through questions like:

Is this the Spirit?

Am I being selfish?

Am I faithful enough?

Instead of learning how to understand your emotions, you learned how to manage, suppress, or spiritualize them.

That’s one of the ways religious trauma can affect your relationship with yourself long after you’ve left Mormonism.

Here are six reasons trusting your emotions can feel so hard.

 

1. You learned to suppress your anger

 

If you grew up Mormon, there’s a good chance anger didn’t feel safe.

Maybe you heard things like:

• “Contention is of the devil.”
• “Choose kindness.”
• “Be sweet.”
• “Turn the other cheek.”

For many girls and women, anger wasn’t seen as a normal human emotion. It was seen as a character flaw.

So instead of expressing anger, you learned to swallow it.

You stayed quiet. You kept the peace. You worried about hurting other people’s feelings.

The problem is that anger isn’t bad.

Anger is information.

It tells us when a boundary has been crossed, when something feels unfair, or when an important need isn’t being met.

When you’ve spent years ignoring your anger, it can become difficult to recognize your own limits and advocate for yourself.

And if anger wasn’t safe to feel, it makes sense that other emotions became difficult to trust too.

 

2. Your emotions were spiritualized

 

Many ex-Mormons were taught to interpret emotions as messages from God.

Peace meant you were on the right path.

Warmth meant truth.

Discomfort meant something was wrong.

Doubt meant danger.

But emotions aren’t moral judgments.

They’re information.

What happens when making the right decision still feels scary?

What happens when leaving Mormonism brings relief and grief at the same time?

What happens when setting a healthy boundary with family fills you with anxiety?

Instead of asking, What am I feeling? you may have learned to ask, What does this feeling mean about me?

That’s a heavy burden to carry.

 

3. Guilt and shame became tools for behavior change

 

Many women weren’t taught how to process emotions.

They were taught how to feel guilty for having them.

Guilt and shame can become powerful tools in high-demand religions.

You learn to monitor your thoughts, your choices, your body, your relationships, and even your desires.

Over time, your nervous system starts to associate difficult emotions with danger.

You don’t just feel guilt.

You fear it.

So instead of allowing emotions to move through you, you try to fix them, hide them, or push them away.

But emotions don’t disappear when we ignore them.

They usually get louder.

 

4. You were taught to distrust “negative” emotions

 

Sadness, anger, grief, frustration, and doubt were often treated as signs of weak faith.

If you felt uncertain, you may have been told to “doubt your doubts.”

If you felt unhappy, you may have wondered whether you weren’t faithful enough.

If you felt angry, you may have worried you were being contentious.

So you prayed more.

Served more.

Tried harder.

You searched for ways to feel better instead of getting curious about what your emotions were trying to tell you.

The truth is that there are no bad emotions.

Every feeling serves a purpose.

Sadness helps us process loss.

Fear helps us stay safe.

Anger protects our boundaries.

Doubt invites us to examine what no longer fits.

Healing from religious trauma often starts when we stop labeling emotions as good or bad and start treating them as valuable information.

5. You learned to perform happiness

 

Many Mormon women grew up believing that happiness was evidence of righteousness.

If you were faithful enough, grateful enough, and obedient enough, you should feel happy.

So when you didn’t feel happy, you may have assumed something was wrong with you.

You smiled.

You said you were “good.”

You pushed through.

You performed wellness while carrying pain privately.

Years later, many ex-Mormon women struggle to answer a simple question:

How am I really doing?

Because they’ve spent so much time managing how they appear to others.

Over time, this doesn’t just affect your emotions.

It affects your relationship with yourself.

 

6. You learned to outsource your inner wisdom

 

When you grow up in a system that tells you what to wear, what to believe, who to marry, how to parent, and what your purpose should be, you don’t get many opportunities to practice trusting yourself.

You learn to look outside yourself for answers.

Church leaders.

Parents.

Spouses.

Scripture.

Experts.

Anyone but you.

This can show up in surprising ways.

You ask everyone else what they think before making a decision.

You spend hours researching small purchases.

You worry endlessly about disappointing your family.

You wait for certainty before taking action.

Leaving Mormonism often means learning a completely new skill:

Listening to yourself.

Not because you’ll always know exactly what to do, but because your experiences, values, needs, and emotions matter.

You can learn to trust yourself again.

 

The good news: emotional awareness is a skill

 

If you feel disconnected from your emotions, that doesn’t mean you’ll feel this way forever.

You can learn to:

• identify your emotions without judging them
• understand what your feelings are trying to tell you
• express anger in healthy ways
• tolerate uncertainty
• reconnect with your intuition
• build trust with yourself

This work takes time.

Especially if you’ve spent years believing your emotions were problems to solve instead of experiences to understand.

But healing is possible.

You don’t have to keep performing happiness.

You don’t have to earn your worth through self-sacrifice.

And you don’t have to navigate faith deconstruction alone.

If you’re tired of second-guessing yourself, feeling guilty for having needs, or wondering who you are outside of Mormonism, therapy can help.

Together, we can untangle the messages you inherited, reconnect you with your emotions, and rebuild trust in yourself.

I offer religious trauma and faith transition therapy for ex-Mormon women throughout Arizona and in-person Brainspotting intensives for women traveling to Arizona.

Schedule a free consultation call HERE to learn more.

 

Frequently Asked Questions

 

Can growing up Mormon affect emotional regulation?

Yes. Many ex-Mormons struggle to identify, express, and trust their emotions because of messages they received about obedience, happiness, doubt, and worthiness. This is a common experience among people healing from religious trauma.

Is it normal to feel emotionally overwhelmed after leaving Mormonism?

Absolutely.

Leaving a high-demand religion can bring relief, grief, anger, fear, confusion, and hope all at once. Emotional overwhelm is a normal part of faith deconstruction.

Why is decision-making so hard after leaving Mormonism?

Many people who leave Mormonism were taught to rely on external authority for guidance. Rebuilding self-trust takes time and often involves learning how to listen to your own values, needs, and emotions.

What is religious trauma?

Religious trauma refers to the emotional, psychological, and relational impacts of harmful religious experiences.

It can affect self-worth, identity, relationships, mental health, boundaries, and your ability to trust yourself.

Can therapy help with religious trauma?

Yes.

Therapy can help you process grief, rebuild self-trust, set boundaries, understand your emotions, and create a life that feels aligned with your values after leaving Mormonism.