3 Ways to Talk to Your Spouse About Phone Boundaries

Editor’s note:
My work has evolved since writing this post. I now specialize in supporting women healing from religious trauma and navigating faith transitions after Mormonism. If you’re here for that kind of support, you can learn more about my work HERE.

This might seem dramatic, but I’m going to say it anyways…whatever you are looking at on your phone will be there later, but your partner might not be. That’s why we need to talk about phone boundaries.

It can be so easy to be just scrolling for a few minutes and then before you know it it’s 10 pm and time to get to bed. You could have connected with your partner, but TikTok sucked you into another doom scroll. If this happens night after night, it will start to affect your relationship. Dramatically.

The first step to fixing this dangerous problem? A conversation. Talking with your spouse about setting phone boundaries for your relationship.

If you want to talk to your partner about changing up how you use phones in your relationship, here are some scripts that can help:

• “Hey, I noticed I’ve been on my phone a lot lately when we are together. I’m sorry I’ve been doing that. I’m going to try and put my phone away more and connect with you because you’re more important to me. Do you want to join me in this goal?”
• “I want to make a goal to use my phone less when we are together. I feel like we used to be so good at it but have slipped up and it made me feel kind of lonely. Can we start doing some non-phone activities together at night?”
• “Babe, I’ve been feeling kind of disconnected lately. I think putting our phones away after dinner and connecting face-to-face will help. Can we try it tonight?”

Note: All of these scripts above are very “I focused”. You cannot control your partner, only yourself. So try to focus on your behavior as you start setting phone boundaries and how you are going to change and your partner will follow.

One of the best ways to stop an old habit is to crowd it out with a new, fun one! Here are some of the things my husband and I enjoy doing when we have “no phone nights”:

• Use conversation cards. I like the ones from the Adventure Challenge (use code MFTT10 for a discount!)
• Play the guitar and sing together
• Play disk golf
• 2 player board games- Hive & Skyjo are our favorites
• Do a stretching video together
• Make cookies

These darn phones are designed to be addictive and keep us on the apps. So, it might be a hard transition at first, but I promise if you establish phone boundaries and push through the initial discomfort, you will see your marriage improve!