10 Pitfalls to Avoid During a Mormon Faith Transition

(From a Therapist Who Works With Ex-Mormon Women)

Leaving Mormonism is not just a belief shift. It’s an identity shift. A nervous system shift. A relationship shift.

And while there’s a lot of content out there about why people leave, there’s a lot less support around how to move through it well.

As a therapist who specializes in religious trauma and faith transitions, and as someone who has gone through this personally, I see certain patterns come up again and again.

So if you’re in the middle of a Mormon faith transition, here are 10 pitfalls to avoid that can make this process harder than it needs to be.

 

1. Making Major Life Decisions Too Quickly

When your internal world shifts, it’s natural to want your external life to match it immediately.

You might feel the urge to:

• leave a relationship
• change jobs
• move
• completely reinvent your life

And sometimes those changes are aligned.

But in the early months of a faith transition, everything is already in motion internally.

Your beliefs about yourself, authority, relationships, and even reality are shifting.

Adding major external decisions on top of that can be overwhelming.

Instead, give yourself a little time.

Let your internal clarity stabilize before making big moves. You don’t have to rush to prove anything.

 

2. Jumping Into Another High-Control Group

This one is more common than people expect.

When you leave a high-demand religion like Mormonism, you lose:

• structure
• certainty
• clear rules
• built-in community

And your brain misses that.

So it’s very normal to feel drawn toward something that offers similar intensity—just in a different form.

But healing usually requires something different:

learning to tolerate uncertainty.

Instead of replacing one rigid system with another, give yourself space to explore, question, and exist without needing all the answers right away.

 

3. Minimizing How Hard This Actually Is

A faith transition is not a small thing.

It can impact:

• your mental health
• your relationships
• your sense of identity
• your nervous system

If you’re feeling:

• exhausted
• overwhelmed
• anxious
• depressed

that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

It means you’re going through something big.

Give yourself permission to take this seriously.

And if it’s affecting your day-to-day life, support matters. Therapy, medication, or a support group can make this process feel a lot less lonely.

 

4. Consuming Other People’s Stories Instead of Processing Your Own

Podcasts, books, and other people’s deconstruction stories can be incredibly validating.

They help you feel less alone.

But there’s a tipping point.

If you’re constantly consuming other people’s stories without slowing down to process your own, you can lose connection to your personal experience.

Your story matters.

Your pace matters.

Your conclusions don’t have to match anyone else’s.

 

5. Over-Researching Instead of Feeling

If you’re in a faith transition, there’s a good chance you’re a deep thinker.

You might find yourself going down rabbit holes:

• church history
• doctrine
• apologetics
• online forums

And research can be helpful.

But healing doesn’t just happen in your mind.

It happens in your body.

At some point, more information stops being helpful and starts becoming a way to avoid feeling.

Processing grief, anger, and confusion on an emotional level is what actually creates long-term change.

 

6. Trying to Convince Everyone Else to Leave Too

When something changes your life, it’s natural to want to share it.

But a faith transition is not just information—it’s a deeply emotional process.

Not everyone is ready to hear your reasons. Not everyone wants to go there.

And pushing people into it can damage relationships.

Consent matters.

If someone wants to understand your experience, you can share.

If they don’t, it’s okay to let them be where they are.

 

7. Expecting Others to Come to the Same Conclusions

Even when people do listen, they may not land where you did.

And that can be frustrating.

But everyone has:

• different experiences
• different emotional thresholds
• different relationships to belief

Your deconstruction makes sense for you.

And theirs will make sense for them.

Letting people have their own process is one of the hardest—and most important—parts of this transition.

 

8. Isolating Yourself From All Mormon Relationships

It’s tempting to want distance from anything that reminds you of the church.

And sometimes that distance is necessary—especially with harmful relationships.

But if your entire support system is Mormon, cutting everyone off at once can leave you feeling deeply isolated.

Community takes time to rebuild.

It’s okay to:

• maintain some relationships for a season
• keep things surface-level where needed
• set boundaries around certain topics

You don’t have to talk about religion with everyone.

You’re allowed to decide what feels safe.

 

9. Slipping Into Moral Superiority

This one is subtle, but important.

When you leave a system that once defined “right” and “wrong,” it can be tempting to flip that framework.

To feel like:

“I see the truth now.”

But when that turns into seeing others as less than, it creates distance, resentment, and disconnection.

Contempt is one of the fastest ways to damage relationships.

You can feel confident in your choices without needing to feel superior to others.

 

10. Questioning Your Ability to Trust Yourself

This is the one I care about most.

A lot of women I work with say:

“How can I trust myself if I believed this for so long?”

But I see it differently.

The fact that you:

• questioned what you were taught
• examined your beliefs
• allowed yourself to change your mind
• made choices aligned with your values

That’s not evidence that you were “duped.”

That’s evidence that you can think critically. That you can grow. That you can trust yourself.

You didn’t lose your ability to trust yourself.

You’re learning how to use it.

 

Final Thoughts

There is no perfect way to navigate a Mormon faith transition.

But avoiding these common pitfalls can make the process feel:

• more grounded
• less overwhelming
• more aligned with who you actually are

And you don’t have to figure it out alone.

 

Ready for Support?

If you’re navigating a faith transition or healing from religious trauma, there are a few ways to go deeper:

• Weekly Therapy (Arizona only)
  Work one-on-one with me to process identity, relationships, and nervous system healing.
• Brainspotting Intensives
  For deeper, focused trauma work in a shorter amount of time.
• More Resources
  Explore more on my site:
  → Therapy for Religious Trauma
  → Therapy for Faith Transitions
  → Brainspotting Intensives